22 Weeks and 5 Days

April 21, 2010

I wish that the human language had words to describe what becoming a mother is like, but not one single word seems to fit this feeling that is growing inside of me.  A few words come to mind: love, worry, patience.  Yet, those words just don't do this feeling that I have any justice.

This feeling is more than love....I love books, I love traveling, I love my friends, I love pizza.  But for the first time I feel like that word, "love" just doesn't really capture or encompass the true nature of my feelings.  I wonder if this is how God feels about each of us?  If he has this overwhelming feeling about us that can't even be defined by a word.  I mean after all he is our father too.

So anyway, for lack of a better word, I love my daughter and we haven't even met yet.  I didn't realize that I would start loving Kylie Jo before I had officially met her.

I love how when the radio is loud she dances to the music in my belly.  Or I guess she might be telling me to turn it down so that she can take a nap.  Either way I love it. 

I love how if I have been on my feet for a long period of time I don't even notice that she is there until the minute that I sit down.  She then reminds me with her burst of psycho energy.    

I love how as soon as I lay down to go to bed or relax Kylie Jo starts turning around like she is getting comfortable too. 

I didn't realize that I would worry about Kylie Jo before she was here either.  I worry when she hasn't kicked around during one of her regular times.

I worry about if something that I do or something that I eat will have an adverse effect on her growing.

These feelings of "love" and worry are so overwhelming sometimes that I just have to stop and bask in the glory of this pregnancy.  I can't wait for her to finally be here and at the same time I feel like my heart will explode when she is finally here.  They will hand her to me and just like the Grinch in the Grinch Who Stole Christmas my heart will pop out of my chest....trumpets will sound.....and a light will shine from my smile.  I can't imagine loving her more than I already do but I know when I meet her it is just going to be a profound moment in my life.

Today for the first time I looked up the meaning of the name Kylie.  It is derived from an Australian aboriginal word meaning boomerang.  The indigenous Australians didn't even throw their boomerang ("Kylie") but instead used it for hand to hand combat.  At first I thought that was, well, really weird.  I mean who names their child after a boomerang?  Especially one that wasn't even thrown but used for a weapon.  But the more I thought about it the more I sort of liked it.  When you think of a boomerang you think of something that is strong.

If there is anything that I would like my daughter to be it is that.  Strong.  I want her to be strong in her faith, strong in her forgiveness of people, and strong willed.  Strong is something to be proud of and it is beautiful too.

Also, according to A Dictionary of First Names published by Oxford, the name also means attractive, which with the genes the girls is getting....I mean is there any doubt?  :)  In Hawaiian it means beautiful spirit.  So with all three definitions together I think that this little girl that I love so much will live up to her name and will exceed it in so many ways.

23 weeks on Friday......counting down the days until we meet!