There are moments in life that just absolutely change you forever. Moments that derail the course of your life. After them you know that you will never again be the person who you were before. Tonight was one of those moments and I'm just plain and simply sad about it.
God has been working on our family lately in big ways. Like BIG ways. He has been slamming doors in our face, and then a new door appears and in we go. It has been exhilarating, and emotionally exhausting. Tonight the answer I've been searching for was laid at my feet and all I could think about was how much I wanted to get up, turn around, and run. This was NOT the answer that I wanted. This is not the course that I wanted for my life.
You see in the past few months our lives have completely changed. Jake has a new job. We live in a new house, in a new town. We have new neighbors. New New New. And usually new has a way of tricking people into believing that life is great, that things are fine, and that they are living the dream.
That's not where I stand today though. Instead I stand next to a man who is going to leave his new comfortable job much sooner than EVER planned. This man is beginning the process of building up his own accounting firm. This man has a love for people and only in owning his own firm will he truly be doing what God has created him to do. We are walking hand in hand having faith that God will provide the clients whom he can begin building relationships with.
I stand in a house that is my dream house. I don't say that lightly either people. If I had a dream about a house that I would grow my family up in, it would be this house (except that maybe the kitchen would have been white....NEVER satisfied). But I stand here and tell you that if God asked me to, I would walk away from all of it. The house, the furniture, the decorations, the clothes, all of it. I would grab my pictures, my family, and my camera (gotta capture the new moments), and walk out that door. I might shed a tear or two but it would be a weight off of my shoulders. Because here's the secret......none of this stuff makes me happy. NONE of it! These things that I have spent 28 years building up are absolutely 100% meaningless to me. The memories and love are all stored up inside of me. This is a monumental change in me because a year ago leaving behind my things would have been my biggest fear but God's been working on that.
So my cry lately has been to get us out of here. We now live, for lack of time to think of a better word, in a rich area. We are rich and everyone around us is rich. And it makes me uncomfortable. There are a bunch of amazing and wonderful people here but it just makes me uncomfortable. How can I be all warm and cozy in my King size bed while there are millions of people who have nothing. I want out. I want to sell my things, grab my family, and go to Africa. I want to be a missionary. It's the honest truth. I have a love for Africa that I cannot even begin to explain. It's just there. It's a part of my heart. I want to set foot on that red dirt and stain my shoes for forever. I want to love those people. I want to share Jesus with those people. I want my girls to grow up in a place where they know what it's like to actually rely on God. Shoot I want to know what it's really like to rely on God. I want them to grow up not thinking that it's normal to have a 12x12 room all to themselves. That it's not normal to throw food away. That it's not normal to have 200 items in their closet. That it's not normal to have an entire room devoted to their toys.
So God take us from this place. Get us out of here. Why did you even bring us here in the first place?
I thought His answer would be the answer that I wanted but it wasn't at all what I was looking for and quite frankly the answer he gave me tonight scares me.
We aren't going to be missionaries in Africa. We are being called to be missionaries right here in Aledo, TX. In the bible belt. That is why we are here. I feel like Paul. The man just wanted to go to Rome. He just wanted to share the gospel with the Romans but God said not now. God had other plans. So here we are in Aledo, TX to stay. To be a light in a place where so many people know the Sunday school answer to the bible questions. But I was a dead girl walking for a really long time so I know what walking the walk looks like. I know what a life without fruit looks like. And I know what a life looks like when God has set up camp in a persons heart. There is a monumental difference.
We will love these people in this town. We will move mountains to help them, share our faith with them, cry with them, and laugh with them. We will do it because it's what God has called us to do! He has called us to be missionaries in Aledo, TX. But we won't get comfortable here because knowing God has changed the way that we live. We just aren't lukewarm anymore. We just can't go back to the way things used to be. There are people dying every day who never REALLY heard the gospel. That is an eternity in hell separated from God. That is not okay! Here we go..........
James 1: 22-23 But be doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving yourselves. For if anyone is a hearer of the word and not a doer, he is like a man who looks intently at his natural face in a mirror.