Today the girls and I were enjoying our time happily perusing through TJ Maxx. We were oohing and aahing over baskets, blankets, pillows, candles, and then all of the sudden my sweet Kylie Jo went missing. In her place stood a defiant, bratty, power craving, unkind, unloving, three year old. She went from happy to crazy in flat seconds. People were staring at us, judging my obvious lack of control. A huge part of me just wanted to walk away from her laying in the aisle and pretend that she didn't belong to me. I am not even joking! I wanted to straight up flee the joint and leave her as a clearance item on aisle nine at TJ Maxx!
But I am not crazy so I tried to do what all good(?) parents do. Get her to the bathroom so that we could talk without judging eyes. By talk I actually mean talk. We reserve spankings for at the house. She fought the entire way and when we got in there she made herself nice and comfortable on the nasty bathroom floor. Yes this really happened!
In that moment a couple of thoughts ran through my head:
How am I going to survive her when she's a teenager?
What are Jake and I failing at that is making her think that she can act this way?
Why do we want more children?
How do I handle this situation as a Godly momma?
Will Lila act like this too one day or is Kylie just extra spirited?
When is the last time they cleaned this floor?
She finally calmed down, picked herself off of the bathroom floor, and returned to her sweet reasonable self. We talked through how that was not at any time ever acceptable behavior, how she was NOT honoring her mother which God tells her to do, and how she had very greatly disappointed me. I hugged her told her that I forgave her anyway, that I loved her and then we exited the bathroom. We went straight to the register, payed for our things, and got in the car.
On our ride home I just kept thinking about her laying on the floor all because I had told her that it was time to leave the candle aisle. That is just not something that Jake and I do in our house. We don't lay on the floor when we don't get our way. She didn't learn that behavior from us. When I ask Jake to clean up his crumbs he doesn't just crazily fall to the floor with flailing limbs. That's just not how Jake and I roll! So where did she learn this?
Is it possible that this is just in the dark little places of her heart? That she is bent and broken just like all the rest of us and her bentness and brokeness is coming out looking like a fish flailing around out of water?
Her behavior concerns me. It's without a doubt, hands down, one of the most embarrassing moments to be apart of EVER! But my real concern is her heart because all behavior really stems from heart issues! She is fighting for control in every single area of her life right now and she could care less about the people that she hurts along the way. She doesn't see that our boundaries are made out of love. She doesn't see that we are older and wiser and so we have walked this path and we know what is best for her. All she sees is that she wants something and we are in her way of getting it. She doesn't see the big picture.
How many times have I fought God for control? How many times has he looked at me and said I am doing this for you out of love? How many times has he sat there and thought...that Jennifer just doesn't see the big picture here! When is she going to quit fighting this?
Today I witnessed the fracture in my daughters soul and I got on my knees and thanked God for sending His son to die for her because my sweet girl straight up needs a savior just as much as her momma does!
Pray for us that we will have the wisdom and strength to parent her well! Pray for her sweet little broken heart! That she would learn through this rough season that she desperately needs a savior. Then while you're at it go ahead and pray for all those other parents out there walking through this phase of life. These are the crucial years. These are the years where we set the tone for the years ahead and we all want to do it well.
And when you see us in the aisles at the store look at us with loving eyes instead of with judgment. We might be really good parents who are just having a really bad teachable moment!
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