Well I have officially been a mother for 10 weeks now. Motherhood brings on a whole entire spectrum of emotions. One minute I can be so overwhelmed with love and adoration and then five minutes later I can be frustrated and left wondering what Jake and I have gotten ourselves into. Sometimes I cry because I love Kylie Jo so much and other times I cry because I feel like I will never be able to sit down and breath again.
Becoming a parent means that you have to, for the first time in most peoples lives, become unselfish. I never realized how I was pretty much living my life for me. I did what I wanted when I wanted to do it and that was pretty much that. Now I have a family to put before myself. When that alarm clock cries at around 7:00 in the morning my day of giving begins. I have a baby who needs to be fed through out the day, bathed, changed again and again, rocked, held, played with, burped, walked around. Then to add on to that I have a husband and a dog who also need my attention and love so that they can maintain their happiness. Then plop on top of that a house that has to be somewhat presentable.
In writing, that doesn't sound like that much, but sometimes it all is very overwhelming. There are days when my teeth don't get brushed until way too late in the day or I don't get to have a shower until Jake gets home from work. Time for a haircut.....yeah if I do it myself which I did the other day. I just took a pair of scissors, put my hair in a ponytail, and started snipping away. The crazy part was that I didn't even really care if it looked good. I just wanted it to not be so long that Kylie Jo was able to pull on it so easily. Time for a pedicure......nope and even if there was, we don't have the disposable income that we had before our little girl entered our lives. So long story short, that relaxing, quiet, me time that I so cherished before has evaporated into thin air. And I am glad that it has. I have spent enough of my life being consumed with myself. Do I miss the old selfish life? Sometimes, you betcha, but what I have now is so much more fulfilling. For the first time it isn't all about me, and that makes me look at the world in an entirely different light.
For instance right now Kylie Jo has begun to fuss in her crib so even though I have more to say it will just have to wait because my baby girl needs me. After this nap she usually demands that we go outside and walk around and that is more important than fulfilling my desire to write down my experiences. I have to stop being so focused on capturing the moment in writing, pictures, or videos and instead I need to just be present and live the moment. Rushing to my sweet baby girl.................